please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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