speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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