Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
