Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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