I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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