I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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