they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
