Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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