Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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