I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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