The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
