I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
