If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize