Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
