I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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