i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
