Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
