Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
