No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
