I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
