my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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