i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
