It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
