Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
