new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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