Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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