If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
