Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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