Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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