got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
