So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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