I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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