Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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