Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
