im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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