Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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