i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
