I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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