I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
