look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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