he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Randomize
