The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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