she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
