his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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