I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
