So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
