the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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