How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's like heaven, but drunker
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
