I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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