i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize