Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
