who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is Oprah even human
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
