Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize