He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
