she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
