The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, beer. Big fan.
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