So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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