Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
