She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
