You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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