Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
