she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
