You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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