No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
