My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
