Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize