we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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