I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
