omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
